birthday party and other songs

by briallyn

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about

my first ever song, and a couple more
kind of sad, kind of cute
really immature

credits

released June 17, 2014

highly inspired and encouraged by Cole Wharton

tags

license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

about

briallyn Santa Rosa, California

briallyn rose // 20 // norcal

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Track Name: birthday party
today i cried in the therapist's office
i wouldn't tell her why
it was because i felt weak
but if we share a cigarette
can i lean on you for a while
and rest my tendons
because i can feel their hands on me
their hands which dug under my skin
and pried apart my bones to peer inside
i can't remember how my parts went together before
my limbs hang heavy and my ribcage
is open wide like the branches
of a tree attempting to embrace the fog
so put your arm around my shoulders
and take me home
please promise I'll be okay in the end
even though I know you can't fix me
they asked me if i was okay
i forced out a "yes"
and its what i've been saying
ever since that first time
i lied for you
until i'm not sure what's a lie
and what's the truth
i've been lying for men my whole life
but i can't go on like this
my hands curled into fists
at my sides
taught myself to
keep everything inside
locked away
to keep you safe
some things have never seen the light of day
but right now i'm breaking chains
with every line and every word
i say
though I know many won't understand my song
i hope you few can sing along
to live another day
and chase the monsters in your bed away
the memories in your head
that stay and shake you awake
to the blackness of an empty room
and memories of the sun fade away
when an artist bleeds, the soul to feed
but you must say to those voices
not today, not today
Track Name: the prom song
when i sit in the bath tub, my skin swells and wrinkles. i look at my hands and think about death. i look at my scars and think about forgiveness. i'm so stressed that i can't sleep. i'm so tired and i can't eat. going to spend the night with you feels like meeting my executioner. i don't want to avoid you but i can't just tell you the truth; that i think you're perfect but the pain you cause aint worth it
Track Name: you were a gateway to an early grave and I was so eager i lost myself
in that house full of ghosts, we touched each other's skin
and they watched, disapproving
but i couldn't let you in, should never have let you in
i know how to take and i'm always expecting more
but i'm hopeless at giving, i always just stare at the floor
i'm always just staring at the floor
i don't regret what i did, it's too late to change the ending
i don't recognize the feeling of loss or freedom
all i know is that i don't know anything
and there's no way to know what's coming
but i didn't leave you, my love left me
all i did was break up with who i used to be
because i'm not who i used to be
mum didn't take me to the doctor's until it was too late
and i'd already self-medicated with cigarettes and self hate
and i'm sorry you weren't to me what i was to you
we were never good at talking on the phone
i have all his messages locked, i asked you to leave me alone
and then i left you alone
i'm sorry i disappointed you, you know
i disappointed myself, too
Track Name: crush ii (blood moon)
i know it meant nothing, but to me it meant everything
i know it meant nothing, but to me it meant everything
and I know that's a cliche
but I just can't make these feelings go away
you like being my friend, could we just play pretend
you like being my friend, could we just play pretend
do you imagine me and you, cos i imagine us too
do you imagine me and you, cos i imagine us too
me and you
in my head, you are running and you can feel the planet (earth) spinning
in my head, you are running and you can feel the (earth) planet spinning
Track Name: why do you only text me when i text you first
it is very very true that i am very infatuated with you
my feelings are a mess but i know i want to know you all the way through
you don't have a middle name but you've got another last name in between
we both lie about our favorite colors, yours is crimson but you say that it's green
i'm so fatigued
we stay up midnight but i don't care about tomorrow
because you sweeten the pain that i was never able to swallow
you sweeten the pain in my throat