lies i thought my mother taught me

by briallyn

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about

sorry mum

documenting my personal experiences of childhood, love, loss, and self-esteem in the internet age

credits

released November 15, 2015

including covers of songs by flatsound, flowerface, daughter, and told slant. much props to all of the artists involved in the creation of those songs

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license

about

briallyn Santa Rosa, California

briallyn rose // 20 // norcal

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Track Name: grandfather clock
grandfather sends his love
from where he can't return
but his clock keeps time
praying that we'll learn
but it's so much easier looking back
than acting with heart
yeah it's so much easier looking back
and acting a part
'let somebody love you'
your words spilling out and echoing round
this big, empty house
yeah my stomach could be flatter
but it also could be fatter
do you wanna put a baby inside me
we could raise it like a family
a kind of fucked-up one at least
but we could be happy
for our sanity there is no guarantee
'let somebody love you'
your words spilling out and echoing round
the endless craters and caverns of your sin
my defenses were feeble and you forced yourself in
and i can't forgive you no i won't
just let somebody love me
your words spilling out and echoing around
but this house ain't so empty after all
i got myself myself myself
yeah i got myself myself myself
i got myself myself myself
and that's the only company i need
Track Name: no cigaregrets
i love and love and love and yet
i never give all of myself
you think i'm using you for cigarettes
but really i'm using them for you
i put them in my lungs like flowers
a bouquet with a card that says
'it's okay, i'm dead inside too
i'm dead inside just like you'
you touch me like you can
feel what's underneath my skin
your fingers on my ribs
like soothing caresses on my organs
your mouth is on me like
you're drinking me in
and i want to give myself to you
in a box
with a bow
on it
mail myself to you
in a box
with a bow
on it
so i could be pretty enough
for you
Track Name: power rangers friends forever high five
i'm falling more every day
every time he says my name
interested in every facet
but i'm not strong enough to face it
alone
our goodnights are
an empty promise
like my bed when
he's not it
but he's in my pointless prayers
the ones i say though there's no one there
he's the star of my most secret thoughts
so we'll watch the cosmos take her shots
his cupid's bow has got me through the heart
it did, and now i'm bleeding out on the carpet
i'm his darling blue and
he's my spooky guy and
we'll be friends till the end, he and i
i'm his darling blue and
he's my spooky guys and
we'll be friends till the end, he and i
there are miles and borders in my way
oh, but i'm the pink ranger
and i'll reach him one day
there are miles and borders in our way
but we are power rangers
and we'll reach each other one day
Track Name: questioning skeletons
i always said i don't believe in ghosts
but what are you then
if i can't feel your heartbeat
when you say 'kiss me' i get butterflies
nesting in my organs and flying from your eyes
you feel strong but i am shaking
and my hands are slipping
and i'm petrified to fall
so deathly afraid of it all

chorus:
your bones are the only things i know
because they're the same as mine
we're just the same inside
and my bones are the only things you know
you can never see inside my head
even if you were in my bed

i'd send myself to where you are
but the thing is
where you are is so far away
so i'm drinking red wine alone
i want to put my mouth inside your clothes
and taste you, if you want me to
tell me i'm the only one
you don't have to say you love me
i just wanna know you care
you know you are the only one
i'm not gonna say it's love but
really no one else compares

chorus

i'm blowing kisses although
just giving you secondhand smoke
i only see you in my dreams
i think that i'm choking in my sleep
Track Name: talking shit getting hit
i don't want to exist anymore
because simply being here means so much more
when you call i wanna be wrapped up in you
but when you don't i can't remember ever wanting to
i hate you
and i hate myself for that
i resent you
and how i already want
to take those lies back

chorus:
listening to the same songs i did
when i was fifteen, a depressed little kid
i know i'm being shallow but
i want to drown myself
bind my wrists and bind my mouth
so that i can't cry out for help
that i don't deserve anymore
maybe i was worth something
when i knew purity
but i am nothing now without
his hands on me
i invited them inside and they
lit matches in me
i am ashes i am ashes
i am empty i am empty

(repeat chorus)
Track Name: breakdowns on public transportation
i got high with a boy
who lives like a computer
alone in his room all day
and my blood was buoyed
my eyes were bloodshot
and i thought
that i saw your name
on my phone
that was just me
projecting my feelings
like a black and white love story
onto my empty surroundings
you're not really thinking of me (x3)
but i wish that you were thinking of me
i'm thinking of you, though
i am thinking of us
i feel so alone though
except for all the people on this bus
Track Name: heartblood
i've been sleeping in so many beds
none of them yours
you've been touching so many hands
haven't you, haven't you
are your fingers red
from the hearts you've handled
or black
are your fingers red
from the hearts you've handled
or black
my skins is raw
from worrying
on my teeth, my pen, my phone
waiting for who knows what
waiting to feel at home
the anxiety in my skull
is pushing my mouth closed
at the molars
the anxiety in my skull
is pushing my mouth closed
at the molars